I said I wouldn’t do it, and I have. (Although in the back of my head, I knew I probably would at some point - who am I trying to fool?). I have temporarily succumbed to The Stress of Wedding Planning. Hopefully this is just a brief intermittence in the otherwise fairly relaxed and overall really quite joyous experience that has been planning our wedding so far, and normal service will resume shortly.
I think since the beginning of the year, reality’s hit home a little that the wedding is happening in just a few months’ time - and being a pair of absolute perfectionists, the weight of what we want our day to be has landed on us a little suddenly. We’ve been talking about getting married for years, discussed at length what our wedding day would be like well before ever getting engaged, and now all of those ‘what if’s’ are real questions, that need real answers.
We want our wedding to be a celebration of our life together over the past ten years, and I’ve been feeling the pressure (that I’ve put on myself entirely, I might add) to make sure that it’s everything we have ever wanted it to be. We only get one chance, after all, and I want to make sure that our one day is a perfect representation of what a lovely life we’ve been lucky enough to share so far (I know, I don’t ask for much).
It’s also about this time that the realities of booking a brand-new (and as yet unfinished), blank-canvas wedding venue have hit home, perhaps a little harder than I would’ve liked. As someone who loves a plan, lives by the list and is renowned for being a deft hand with a spreadsheet or six, I don’t really like not being entirely sure of what’s happening with something as important as our wedding venue, and I’d be lying if I said that I hadn’t had the odd panic about our choice over the past few months. But the point remains that it’s the best venue we viewed (even in an unfinished state), the best venue we could afford and when it is completed, it will be everything we could have wanted, I’m sure of that, and I believe it will be the right place for us. It’s just the uncertainty in the meantime that’s getting to me, of not knowing exactly how everything will pan out in the next few months...
And of course, you start worrying about one thing and then a million thoughts unravel in front of you. Everything from the bridesmaids’ dresses to the guestlist has been up for discussion this month - with myself, in my own head, arguing both sides of the case. I’m putting it down to overthinking, overexposure to ‘wedmin’ and having to make a lot of big decisions this month; I’m experiencing some kind of bridal burnout, I think.
It’s to be expected really; we’re only six weeks into 2019 and we’ve already visited the venue, learned about some pretty major changes to it which affect our original plans (though luckily in a good way!), had a cake tasting, booked the cake, had a kilt fitting, chosen wedding rings, bought decorations, made decorations, looked into hiring more decorations (and props, and furniture, and lighting - and someone to clear it all away again!), ordered fabric samples, bought some of my accessories, confirmed our first dance song and had a long venue meeting to iron out some plans. It tires me out just thinking about it - I didn’t expect such a barrage of activity so soon into the year!
We scared the life out of one of my bridesmaids when we brought her with us to the venue’s open day in January and she saw how many things you have to think about when you’re planning a wedding - I think she’d faint if she saw how much we’ve gotten done in the past few weeks alone…
I mean, I’m still loving every minute, and that’s probably why I’ve thrown myself in headlong. It’s lucky that we both have a fair bit of experience in event planning and project management, as it’s daunting, even when we vaguely know what we’re doing. But it’s probably a good time to step back a little for a few weeks, and if I do want to dip a toe, make it about the fun stuff - no logistics, no invoices, no spreadsheets or floorplans!
Our plan overall has always been to get everything out of the way early, so that we can spend those last few weeks before the wedding just enjoying the countdown, instead of stressing about suppliers. Even so, now’s a good time for a rest and a reset - not to stop thinking about things entirely, but just to think about the really fun, meaningful stuff instead of the minefield of booking suppliers, working out budgets and planning logistics.
On the theme of fun, meaningful stuff, we spent Valentine’s night listening to the playlist we’ve made for the wedding so far, and it took us right back to what we want the heart of the day to be about: us. Some songs made me cry with happiness, some make us remember so many amazing times in our life so far. Some are absolutely going to have to end up in our wedding ceremony, some will be the best party-starters.
But for now, instead of planning the what’s, why’s and where’s, we’re just going to enjoy it. We only have a few months left of being engaged and we’re determined to make the most of this time (spreadsheets and all)!